Breakthrough... Kinda?

So today I decided I was going to go walk.  I hadn't done it in awhile.  I had made the decision to really concentrate on the fact that I wanted to get my eating under control and then I'd start the exercise portion.  I felt like last time I put too much pressure on myself to do everything perfectly and when I didn't I totally gave up.  Mix all of that with some serious health issues and it isn't a pretty picture.

Anyways, so I had a less than stellar eating day and really needed to burn some cals.  So I told myself I was going to go walk for 45 minutes with some gusto.  I wasn't trying to walk any certain distance, I just set the goal of walking for a set time.  I didn't have my phone with a timer on it, so I decided that since the average length of a song on my iPod is about 4 minutes I would walk for 11 songs.  That would be roughly 44 minutes.  So I got started and didn't stop.  Not for one second.  I just kept walking and kept up the pace.  I have been watching Extreme Weight Loss show and there was a guy who weighed more than me who ran like 6.2 miles, so I knew that I could walk for 45 minutes.  Well I walked for 50 minutes.  I was so happy with myself.

I know I have done it before.  That it wasn't a huge of a deal, but the difference is I had never done it myself.  I had never done it without people asking me if I was going to walk or wanting to go themselves and basically beg me to do it.  This was me doing it myself and for myself.  It felt good - it was hard, but it felt really good.  I was sweaty and I thought I was going to get sick a couple of times, but I know that my body can do a lot more than my mind thinks it can so I just kept going.  On the show, the trainer kept saying you have to get comfortable with being uncomfortable and that until that happens you can't make a change.  Well, I'm not sure I'm comfortable with being uncomfortable (in terms of exercise) but I'm getting there.

So walking again tomorrow - I don't care how hot it is.  I can do it.

For Fun - Monday "Get to Know Me"

1.) Mood:  Kind of having a little anxiety but other than that I'm good.
2.) Are there any summer trends you're loving this year? Any you're hating?  I'm loving neon.  But I think everyone is.  I'm not in to maxi dresses.  They just aren't that nice looking on anyone to me.
3.) Do you like to cook?  Yes.  I am getting much, much better at it.  And getting more creative.  Thank you, Pinterest!
4.) Current nail polish: none, but getting ready to paint them with Essie's Sugar Daddy
5.) What is something you are excited about at the moment?  I'm not sure - just getting to the weekend?
6.) Current outfit:  Straight leg jeans, a bright turquoise top.  I like bright colors!
7.) Are you a heavy or light sleeper?  Totally a heavy sleeper.
8.) What size handbag do you prefer?  I used to be a fan of a big handbag - but they are so hard to find your stuff in so I've been going with a medium size one that I can manage.
9.) Do you like karaoke? LOVE!
10.) Weekly goals: Hmmm.  Be happy and healthy.  The rest I'm trying to figure out.  Such a simple but hard question!!!!

Love with Leftovers and a Confession

I think a lot people know what its like to have leftovers.  Not so yummy.  I used to be the type of person who didn't eat leftovers.  They were pretty disgusting.  I wouldn't even think twice about eating something from another meal.  Just not an option.  Well, after realizing that eating fast food for lunch everyday is a bad idea - I have really adopted using leftovers.  For instance, I had a huge chicken breast  for dinner a few nights ago and just could barely eat much of it at all - I had already eaten a cup of broccoli and a serving of brown rice and a salad and was pretty stuffed.  So I saved it and have been able to make two lunches out of it - both days I made a chicken taco with a little cheese and tomato.  Pretty good.  And last night we had the most amazing pork tenderloin - so good.  We had a ton left so hello to a good sandwich today and probably dinner tonight!  It is as if I crave healthy foods.

This weekend was interesting.  I had some not so healthy food.  On Saturday one of my dearest friends from college was in town and we decided to go to lunch and he wanted a Chinese Buffet.  So I knew that was going to be a disaster.  And it wasn't as bad as it would have been a year ago, but it wasn't pretty.  After that I had a turkey sandwich and carrots for dinner but got weak and had a small french fry and small Frosty from Wendy's that night.  So I have confessed - and I still logged everything.  I didn't go over by a massive amount, or even enough to gain back any weight.  However, I'm sure I ate enough sodium to keep every drop of water I consume from now to eternity.  So I have hopped back on and have been drinking so much water and eating my normal diet.

Hope everyone else survived their weekends!

Water.

I have had a few frustrating scale days.  Basically, despite getting exercise and eating properly, I haven't seen the scale budge at all.  In fact, it went up a couple pounds in one day.  Thank goodness I am pretty rational and knew it was mathematically impossible for me to have gained anything.  Just knowing what I am doing, I can rest assured that there is some strange fluctuation.  Well, I was reading around the internet about different things and saw that one reason people might have issues with the scale is if they don't drink enough water.  Well, I know I don't drink enough water.  In fact, I don't drink much anything.  I usually have one diet soda with dinner -- I just like having the fizzy drink when I eat and diet cola has 0 calories so I go with that.  But this said that when you don't give your body the water it needs it will save every drop it gets because it doesn't know the next time it will get water.  This can account for weight on the scale.  That was enough to get me going!  I downed a huge thing of water.  So this morning I got back on the scale and it reflected that I lost more.  That was more along what I had expected.  That made me decide that my new thing would be making sure I get enough water everyday.  I know people always suggest using flavors and stuff, but I am just not a fan of those kinds of things.  I like water plain.  It's just I don't always think to drink it.  So now, if I have a soda I follow it up with double the water.  And I have been keeping a big thermos of water with me to drink throughout the day.

One thing on my mind is going out to dinner for Mexican soon.  It's been about a month since I had it but I have a goal that I want to accomplish and I have about 3 weeks to do it and I'm worried that if I do indulge that it might make me retain water (like usual due to all the sodium).  I'm thinking maybe pushing it to my birthday (AUG 10!!!) and then having it as a reward.  I don't know.  In the last month I have only went out once (Mexican) and had fast food once (as I detailed earlier).  It is this back and forth that I have going on.  I literally have 3 weeks to lose 7 lbs.  I just don't know.  I'm sure that if I start to pick up my exercising and keep up with the water I will be ok to have it but I keep second guessing myself.

Good luck with ya'lls choices!

It is so hot and other pointless things about the last two days

It is so hot!  Here we have a heat index of like 105-109 degrees today.  I don't know about anyone else, but that is hot.

Ok, I have been frustrated since dinner with the family last night.  My mom decided she wanted to have Mexican food for dinner.  This is no big deal.  I don't mind what it has in it and it is stuff I eat - vegetables, some ground beef, cheese - no big deal.  So my sister and mother went to the store to get everything and basically come back with a load of groceries full of their snacks and stuff for dinner.  They did forget my baby carrots and celery, but that isn't the point.  So they got cheese dip - one of my favorite things.  I have to be honest.  I wanted it bad.  Like a crackhead bad.  On top of it all, my sister tried to lure me to have some.  I stood strong.  I stayed out of the kitchen and when it was time to make dinner I weighed and measured out all of my food.  But I did allow myself to try one chip with the cheese dip.  It wasn't that good so I didn't really mind not eating it.  I at least tried it.  The only fail about yesterday was I didn't have enough calories left to give myself a snack.  Well, I did, but I wanted a deficit on my cals for the day.  Tonight we are having my favorite - spaghetti, which I am making because I am the only one in my house who can make it and it not taste like crap.

Lastly, I hate the scale.  I have been so happy with the rate of loss that I started looking at it every day.  Such a mistake.  I'm going to go back to once to twice a week.  I can't deal with the disappointment or seeing it creep up due when I know it is mathematically impossible to gain so much when I have exercised and eaten well.  The scale can be the devil.

Anyways - stay cool!

For Fun - Monday "Get to Know Me"

1.) Mood:  Kind of blah, but not in a bad way.
2.) Did you do anything fun this weekend?   Not really, hung out with my sister.  Hopefully next weekend we can do something fun!
3.) What is the closest object to you that is pink?  My makeup bag that has my nighttime face stuff in it.  I really like it!
4.) Current nail polish:  Essie's Power Clutch with Shine of the Times on top.  I really like it.
5.) If you could snap your fingers and be anywhere in the world right now, where would you go?  Not sure.  But somewhere on a beach.  Miami?
6.) Current outfit:  Black tank top and teal shorts.  
7.) What is the last movie you saw in theaters?  Magic Mike :-D  (I was a bit obsessed)
8.) If you could only be one age for the rest of your life, which would you choose, and why? 25 - it just seems like young enough to be taken seriously but not when you start feeling old.
9.) When is the last time you played on a swing set?  Hmmm.  Don't remember.  It's been awhile.
10.) Weekly goals:  Continue with my healthy eating habits, walk everyday, get all of my laundry done,   some personal goals ;)


PS:  I got this from www.amarixe.com - she is one of my favorite YouTube beauty gurus.  Check her out!

Whew!

So last night I went to kick my own ass for the second day in a row.  Well I really did.  I tried to pick up my pace from yesterday and that was successful.  I really kept up some speed and didn't let being a little uncomfortable get in my way.  I mean, it is going to be hard.  I can't expect for it to be super easy.  If I just walked at a slow pace it doesn't hurt anyone other than me.  So I pioneered through the humidity (which was OOC) and bugs that like to fly around where there is a lot of grass and I successfully dodged all 23482 kids that were playing there.  I even did an extra lap for good measure.  More of a cool down lap, really.  I knew that since I had pushed myself for the mile that taking an easy lap would be good.  I mean, its a bonus.  On top of that Courtney and I had brought our soccer ball to kick around for fun when we finished.  Boy, did that kill me worse than the walk did.  I was running after the ball and really freaking moving.  After the walk, all this running really kicked my ass.  But in a good way.  I was glad I did it, but when I was going to leave I really thought I was going to puke.  I felt like I was going to pass out and was sweating like it was going out of style.  Despite feeling so bad, I was kind of proud of how hard I had pushed myself.  Also, I know that every time I do that I will be that much stronger.  I hate that I started doing this again in earnest in the summer, but whatever.  The fall will be here soon enough.  Cooler weather will be welcomed!  But right now, I am trying to get this second 10lbs off by August 10th and each day I really work hard I will be that much closer to that goal.  Starting my thirties (which I don't look forward to) at that point will be the biggest gift I could give myself.  And considering that I have 9.4 lbs to lose until then every time I go to do this I think that I am that more encouraged.  I have faith that I can accomplish my goal and I know I am going to work my ass off at getting there.  These attainable goals are really what keeps me going.  It is exciting to try to reach it.

Have a great Monday!

Scale Victory

So the number on the scale has matched pretty much what I have seen with clothes.  It's crazy.  Our scale has been broken for the last week or so and I was unable to weigh myself.  So I did this morning and I broke the number I had wanted and lost 3 lbs in the last week.  So exciting.  I was hoping that I would be where I was, but knew that I might not be there since I only really want to lose about 2 lbs a week.  But I lost more and it was showing on the scale!  Seeing that number really made me feel good about the changes that I have made.  It reinforced to me that I could lose weight and be healthy and not feel like I am losing out.  I feel like my ultimate goal is actually achievable.  Right now my big goal is to lose another 10 lbs by August 10th (my 30th birthday).  That means I need to average about 3lbs a week between now and then.  Since that is basically what I've been doing I am thinking about adding in some more exercise to cut more calories per day.  I know I can do it.  I am very confident that I can lose those 10lbs and be down another size by then.  I know I am going to have to work for it and really push myself, but the best birthday present will be to wake up and be 30 (which scares me a bunch) and be 10lbs lower than I am today.

Hope everyone else is nice and happy and healthy on this beautiful Sunday!

Shout Out to my sister

Today was a big day for my sister.  She officially has lost 100 pounds.  She started about a year and a half ago, but she's done it.  I can't help but be so proud of her - she has worked hard and been so inspiring to me and what I am trying to do.  She has done everything the right way - through a proper diet and exercise.  She is always there if I have questions and she has always been there to encourage me when I might be going through a struggle.  Also, she's been there when I might have been to hard on myself to tell me that I can go out to dinner and have what I want occasionally.  I credit her with teaching me that it is important to weigh your food, use measuring cups and spoons.  That you have to keep up good habits and that its not going to happen overnight.  She has really helped me to realize that I didn't become where I am overnight so its going to take some time to get where I want to be.  She helps me realize that I need to set smaller goals; ones that are attainable.  Also, she helped me to learn to take it one step at a time, that its hard to do everything perfectly.  Master things slowly.  Then add in other things.  For me it was just getting used to eating less, then it was making my own food and not over eating and next its going to be incorporating more exercising in to my day.

In happier news, I tried on a pair of jeans that I previously could fit (but were pretty tight) and they were a tad too loose.  I couldn't wear them all day.  So that's pretty exciting for me!

Soon I will have no clothes

So today I tried on a pair of jeans that were WAYYY too tight for me that I used to be unable to fit.  They are loose.  Not unwearable, but they are a little baggy in the legs and booty.  I am not complaining at all.  The only problem is that they are the jeans I had in reserve to wear as I lost weight.  I didn't expect them to be so loose so soon.  I thought I would be in them for a good month at least.  Now I'm not so sure.  Three weeks I couldn't wear them and now they are loose.  It's crazy.  My old normal jeans are totally unwearable.  Even right after they are washed.  It is just something I didn't expect to see so soon.  Especially without doing really any exercise - only watching what I eat.  So we will see how this continues.

Also, I had chips last night.  Bad idea.  They didn't agree with my tummy.  Another good thing today was I had to go get my parents Hardee's for breakfast.  I had the opportunity to get myself any kind of biscuity-sausagey-eggey goodness but I didn't.  I didn't even want it.  I thought about getting a fountain diet coke, but still I knew I had my trusty Sam's Club Diet Colas in the fridge.  So this has actually been a pretty good day.

Mind over matter

Ok.  Yesterday I had a bit of a breakthrough.  We were out of diet soda and during my meals I like to have a sweet, fizzy drink.  We had full calorie Coke.  It's only 120 cals a can so I figured I could make it work in my day.  I usually have more than that leftover without feeling hungry.  So I had a normal day - but just 240 more calories than normal.  So at night snack time I had about 150 calories in my day (which is 1500).  I was really wanting some Flax Seed Crackers with Laughing Cow Cheese but I knew it would put me like 30 calories or so over.  I didn't think it would be a big deal at all - especially since I typically have a large deficit every day.  I go to make my snack and realize we were out of the Laughing Cow Cheese!  I decided that since that was what I wanted and nothing else really seemed appealing I would just wait until the next day.  So then I relax to watch some TV and then it hit me - I wanted a taco.  However, I really thought about it and realized yea, maybe I didn't.  So I passed.

Total mind over matter.  I wanted it - but I just really thought about it.  Really, I could have had it and it would be okay; but is that what I really want?  I mean it has been 25 days now and I have only had fast food once.  One time.  I'm really happy about that.  Anyways.

Til next time!

I think its official - Fast Food and I broke up

Ok.  So on Saturday night we had a dinner snafu.  So we ended up getting fast food.  I got something smaller than what I used to and it fit in to my calories so I didn't think it was a big deal.  However, I felt so gross after eating it.  It wasn't a "I'm a failure" gross, but more of a "my tummy does not like this" gross.  The meal used to be something that I wouldn't be satisfied with - I'd want more.  Now, that was more than enough.  I felt very, very full.  And then my stomach didn't like the onion rings and I'm pretty sure that it didn't enjoy the burger either.  I'm totally not beating myself up for it either, but I just really have realized it isn't good enough to waste all those calories on.  This is not saying I won't ever have it again - I know there will be times I am in a pinch and it's what is there.  However, its just not good to me.  The food isn't good enough to feel like that.  However, I think Mexican is...  I think my addiction to Mexican food will never die.  To me, this demonstrates that I will make some sacrifices but a burger and fries really isn't one of those any more.  To me, this is huge.  My total weakness used to be fast food.  I could have it anytime, it would be hard to go to get something for someone else with out having something myself.  Now I am pretty confident that I could go pick up something for someone else and just be happy with having something I can find that is just as yummy but better for me at home.

It's amazing what a little time and really listening to your own wants and needs can do!

Counting Calories, Hot Weather, Malaise

So I count calories.  I think it is what is helping me lose weight.  If I start thinking about how many calories I used to eat everyday, I am amazed I hadn't gained more than I already had.  Thinking that I would eat in one meal the same amount of calories I eat in an entire day (sometimes more).  Crazy.  I can't imagine doing that now.  It makes me crazy to think I used to think that eating fast food all the time is okay and just eating because I am bored, or sad, or happy isn't okay.  That there are other things that I can do other than just eat when I'm not hungry.

A second note, it is so hot.  Like today it is literally 100 degrees outside.  I can hardly believe it.  I can't remember the last time it was this hot.  I mean, its been hot before but this is crazy.  I want to start getting out and walking to get some extra exercise.  Luckily, next week its supposed to be in the 80s.  That is a very welcome relief.  I am losing at a pretty good rate - and I'm starting to see a difference so   I think if I add in some extra exercise then I should see a bigger loss.  But also, I would rather just do it to get some time outside and hopefully boost my energy a bit.

Malaise.  The definition is "a vague or unfocused feeling of mental uneasiness, lethargy, or discomfort".  That is what I have been feeling - I can't put my finger on it other than I feel like I lack direction in a bunch of different directions.  It is making me anxious and I just worry about what I am going to do next all the time.  Professionally, I am at a crossroads but I think I will figure it out.  This week my goal is to start really looking for something meaningful.  I have a general idea of what direction I want to go in, but I'm still trying to figure it out.  I feel like things can change.

Clearly, I'm in a funk.  But it hasn't effected my eating habits so I am just going to figure it out.  So yea.  

Stay cool.

Eating enough?

Well, I feel like I am.  However, when I look at how much I am eating I don't think I am.  The big problem is that I feel full.  For instance, all I have had today is an apple, some carrots and dip and an english muffin.  That's it.  I'm full.  Its barely 300 calories but I just don't feel the need to eat.  I ate a big dinner the other night and it made me sick.  It wasn't bad for me - it was just too large.  I had little too much yummy vegetables. So in fact, you CAN get too much of a good thing.  I know they tell you that you need to eat a certain number of calories in order to not to go in to "starvation mode" but I'm not sure how true that is.  My body is still losing weight so I feel like I'm not starving myself by any means.  I just eat things that are lower in calories and enjoy it.  As I have shown, I have also had pizza and went out to mexican but it isn't an every night thing.  So clearly it's not that I have a problem.  I just need to start letting myself eat stuff that is higher in calories (especially during the day).  Maybe I can start getting more creative.  I don't know - maybe I need to have a protein shake or something during the day.  My sister did that for awhile.  I'll have to check on her thoughts on those.  I just hate going to sit down to dinner and knowing that according to my plan I need to eat 1000 calories.  It just is pretty frustrating.  Anyways.  I guess I will see what she thinks I should do.

Hope everyone had an amazing 4th of July!

Eating anything you want - and still losing!

It can be done, friends.  I am pretty much proof.  I have been through a good two weeks again and lost a pretty good deal of weight for that time.  However, I haven't deprived myself at all.  You can't.  It is what I think keeps me going.  I can have anything I want.  In fact, I went out for dinner at a Mexican place on Friday and ate what I wanted.  However, after starting this what I wanted has changed but I would have had anything I wanted regardless and not felt bad.  Why, you ask?  Because I know that I don't do it everyday, that I won't be doing it again soon and that I have eaten the right way all day to allow me to have it.  And the cool thing is, I still lost weight over the period that I had it. One meal will never destroy your progress - unless it is followed by another meal like that and then another.  It's all about moderation and portion control.  I had pizza a couple of Fridays ago, but I fit it in my calories and probably enjoyed it more than I would if I had double what I ate or had just had it a few days before.

I think coming to terms with the fact that you can eat this stuff even if you are making a change is good.  I know that if I had to live my life without ever having pizza again I wouldn't be the happy go lucky person I am.  So go forth, measure and weigh and eat in moderation!